Friday, December 09, 2005

Something weird brewing at Second Cup

No more Second Cup lattes for me. They put something in their drinks, something more than caffeine, that messes with my body somehow. My hand was shaking in class, yet I was still dead tired. And then last night I went to bed at around 1 am and then I was wide awake at 4. I had to wake up at again at 6:30 so I tried to get back to sleep so I wouldn't be exhausted today but I didn't actually fall back asleep until 6. *sigh. I'm sticking to the vanilla bean hot chocolates, no more Second Cup coffee for me.

So this morning I was sitting in the computer lab and I observed a couple of girls being pretty rude to this seemingly friendly guy, just trying to have a chat with them and socialize. I honestly can't help but feel terrible for guys who just put themselves out there and then get shot down in the most mortifiying way (this was mortifiying because I was witnessing it). Not that I don't turn guys down, but there is a more humane way than talking rather loudly and bitchy. This is why most guys, most good guys, are reluctant to ask girls, like me, out. But it's not about that right now.

Back to the poor guy in the computer lab. He seemed like one of those guys who try to fit in, try to socialize and basically, try to establish some sort of life. Kind of like those guys who'd keep to themselves (or their own small social circle) in highschool, waiting for someone to invite them into the bigger social circle. And then they try and make up for their lack of socializing in highschool by taking initiative in college when they realize how independent they are. Sad to say, the girls (and some guys) in college are the same as they were in highschool. Because I felt horribly for that guy, I started to wonder, do lonely people know why they're lonely?

I really don't know how to answer that question. It's one of those chicken-egg things where you question whether the guy is lonely because he doesn't try to be social, or because people just don't give a damn about him. And I suppose it could be argued either way and other ways.

And I'm not talking in terms of "oh, I wish I had a boyfriend/girlfriend, I'm so lonely. I'm going to die alone! Woe is me!". I'm talking about someone with noone they can consider a real friend, besides classmates who they acquaint them self with at school. And I'm not talking about "geeks" and "dorks", because even geeks and dorks have their circle of geeky, dorky friends and they do still do stuff together. I'm talking about someone who has noone to hang around with besides family. Is it by choice, or fate? Or was it originally choice, and later they couldn't figure out how to socialize?

This entry serves no purpose really, and I don't think I have an opinion yet about this. I need to learn more about this. I think I just feel really bad for that one guy, that little engine that would. And yes, it's not fair for me to judge a stranger and call him lonely. But you just had to hear this guy trying to converse with these girls. Perhaps he just put himself too much "out there", leaving little to the imagination and lacking coyness. Why didn't I just go up and talk to him, you might ask? This is not about me making friends with him to make me feel better about the situation. Just trying to put myself in someone else's shoes and figuring out the what/why/hows...

...Fuck, I really think the Second Cup caffeine is messing with my head!


Kathy said...

Aww...poor nice guy.

I hate bitchy people, they need to die. The world's bitchiness is rubbing off on me, too; I consider myself a lot bitchier now that I was before.

Anonymous said...

yup, that is exactli why us guyz dont wanna go up to strangers and 'make frends', assholes like that make it hard, its not worth all that trouble n risk gettin shot down. but in the end, u learn to not give a damn about bein social anymore and then it isnt so bad.