I actually braved the weather last night by joining a few friends at the pub for some wings and beer (root). That's about all the 'going out' I've been doing this week, mainly because of the weather. However, I look forward to the BBQs and pool parties planned in the coming months. Right now I bitch that I'm bored as heck but I know this won't last and pretty soon I'll be yearning for the days of doing shit-all.
The other day I found out an old friend of mine, who I haven't seen or talked to in years was in town. Okay, I need to be honest and admit we were more than friends and probably more than 'more than friends'. He pulled one of his vanishing acts and cut not only me, but everyone off. No one has spoken or seen him in years. Until now. As far as I know, he's contacted one person and it wasn't me.
I really didn't know what to feel, but I actually wasn't pissed, for some reason. I've never been able to stay mad at him. Maybe it's because he knows me better than anyone else and so he knows how not to keep me mad at him. But either way, I was a little shocked he never tried to contact me because he always seemed to manage to keep up with me, even when I was 'angry' at him. It really hit me, though, that we've finally gone on with our lives and we're not involved in each other's, quite possibly for good. It's very strange how when you once had a 'sure' feeling that you'd remain 'friends forever' at one time, that down the road you may not have the same feeling. I don't feel particularly awful about it, but it does give a sense of bittersweet closure. At least things didn't end off violently and emotional, which would have masked the pleasant memories we shared.
This realization made me think of the other important relationships, whether platonic or more, that have ended in my life. It really is important to end things as amicably as possible because there's nothing worse than having the lasting bitter taste of the relationship in your mind. It's not only bad karma but it forever locks away the potential of reconcilation.
When I finished highschool, I went through all the keepsakes I collected over the years, from kindergarten to the end of highschool. Every note passed, every class photo...right down to stupid little things that reminded me of what happened that day (ticket stubs from dates, bus transfers from trips). gasp! Yes, I can be sentimental. I came across a whole bunch of stuff that just reminded me of this great friendship I had with this chick in elementary school. We were pretty damn inseparable and wrote letters to each other all the time. We went through sooo much (as much as 10-year olds can go through) and then she changed schools. Although we still kept in touch, the calls and letters became farther in between and we eventually just stopped talking. Looking back, I felt uncomfortable about how things just ended so I actually wrote her a letter, seven years after we stopped being friends and just wrote her how much fun I had when we were friends. It sounds cheesy now, but I so don't regret writing it because it was a closure I was comfortable with. And I was pleasantly surprised she wrote back and updated me on her life.
So, as I approach the end of another chapter of my life (finishing college), I can't dwell on the sad and scary parts too much (being in "the real world"). I had some good relationships and even greater friendships that will hopefully last for a long time. But in the words of Utada Hikaru, "nothing lasts forever, I agree. But I wouldn't mind the possibilities."
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