Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Auld Lang Syne

I really don't feel like going into work tomorrow, and though I don't really have to, I feel I should. Hopefully it'll just take my mind off of things. A lot of troubling things. I feel like I'm between a fucking rock and a hard place.

I know I need to start talking about my trip to Vermont, as well as how New Years went last night but I'm feeling way too bummed and out of it to do so. Perhaps I'll do it later this week. Sorry, guys. I don't mean to be cryptic but I just need a time-out.

I know I said I was looking forward to the New Year but basically I can tell you right now the New Year is starting to look bittersweet for me. How weird is it that I have these feelings upon being with loved ones for the past week? It can. And it's probably worse that too much (not enough?) has happened in the past 7 days. It's more frustrating when I can't find any decent songs on my playlist because I outplayed them on the 8-hour trip in Vermont. *sigh*.

I think I'm more upset with myself. That I'm not as proactive as I try to be. I'm not as headstrong as I make myself out to be. I'm not assertive, I'm not kind, I'm not selfish. I'm more of a girl than I'd like to be (psychologically).

How did it get so complicated? That's actually not so much of a rhetorical question because I know the answer to that: it starts with 's' and rhymes with 'dex'.

Ugh. How cliche of me would it be to listen to sad music now?

1 comment:

whit said...

why is it that so many of us seem to be in similar situations?