Sunday, January 06, 2008

Water Runs Dry

So the weekend is over, and this is around the time everyone's 'winter holiday' finishes and we go our separate ways until the next statutory holiday/school break: move back to school, go back into school routines, back to the daily grind of our careers...

I ended this weekend with a great relaxing lunch and coffee with Jeff, Mel, Sarah and Justin. It's great having great conversation with great friends to discuss our present and hopeful futures. Homes, careers, future endeavours. It's wonderful to have directions in life, even if they seem like at first they are small, aimless steps. We'll get there guys, eventually.

I'm glad I ended the week before everyone begins their other lives the way I did. The past two weeks have been so chaotic that I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I realized that I most definitely need to take time for myself right now. That means taking a break from socializing, partying, bamboozling, wining, dining (well, maybe not entirely), Poker-ing, playing, drinking, loving, self-pitying, denying, staying in the same cycle I am forever spinning in. In essence, I'm taking a break from my "normal" life.

Is it too early to say that I've had an epiphany? Perhaps I am too young and stupid to realize one, so I'm going to take a long-needed break from my party-like-a-rockstar life to find at least a scruple of it. I am going to take a trip half-way across the world (thanks to my generous boss) next month and try to find it, even if I just have a week to do it.

No offense to the friends and lovers that are in my life right now, but y'all need to get out of my face for awhile. I know a lot of people would give anything to have the type of friends and family I have but for now, I'm going to be selfish and put them on the back burner to simmer. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I will be M.I.A. for awhile. How long? It's best not to say. I may even cancel my big birthday extravaganza. Turning 24 will just have to wait until next year.

I just need this time to focus on other things that I've been neglecting for awhile: my career, my finances, my family, my Self.

I swear that I will come back. And when I do, everything will be the same again (hopefully). My feelings will never ever change for any of you and I hope that y'all will feel the same when I come back. It's really going to be hard to be 'away' but I'm a grown woman and I will take it like a man and learn to cope, for this is what we as humans need to be able to do. It's a really great thing to have people in your life to depend on, but there's a point in your life that you have to realize that those people aren't always there to lean on or aren't strong enough to hold you up. Not friends, not your pet, not even your family. The only person you can really rely on is yourself, and I think I've let myself down too many bloody times. It's time to sit down and talk to myself (in the non-maniacal sense) and figure out ... something. Honestly, I don't know what I'm looking for but it's out there, somewhere.

Being alone is never easy, but I will fare because I always seem to.

So farewell, for now. I will update my journal once in awhile, but don't expect anything spectacular.

Ciao. P.S. I just read this over and I realized I forgot to mention that no one should cut off communication with me. I would like to still be in contact with everyone, just not in physical contact. I may be reached via cell phone, e-mail (ugh) and MSN. :)

1 comment:

Kathy said...

I hope you don't cancel your birthday party, Lil...and I hope you'll be okay. I really love you and Mel like you are my sisters. I'm so sorry.