Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Business Casual Sex

I admire the gay community. Somewhat.

Of course, I don't admire the discrimination and all those recourses they suffer for being a homosexual. However, I do admire the freedom they have within their community to express themselves. And as offensive it may seem to the outside world, they seem so free and comfortable with it.

I've been reading an anonymous journal page of someone who classifies their self as a "Bareback Top". How much do I love that these gays have specific labels of each other that specifically outlines their preferential sex position?

You can call me Top, then Bottom with a Twist at the End.

I love how casual homosexuals are with their sexualities ... albeit within their community. It's so honest and frank. I haven't known too many gay people in my life, but the ones that I have known, I have observed. I have observed them with their gay peers and I have observed them partying. I envy how they are able to express their selves, although it has to be in the confines of gay clubs, parties and functions.

So why is the 'straight community' not as flamboyant and honest? I think a lot of this has to do with gender, primarily. There's a certain type of 'modesty' that men and women are taught to adhere to with one another: opening doors for each other, pulling out chairs, giving each other flowers/gifts/anything else to show we feel about each other without saying it, and all that other chivalry bullshit. I'm sure the gay community has all of that too, but those are probably the more modest gays. Sex in the straight community is considered a 'racy' topic and in most cases, restricted to those 18 and over. Fuck, modesty comes with a price because we even have to pay to watch our favourite shows about sex (i.e. Sex and the City, The L Word).

In the gay community, it seems that their version of 'casual sex' is just that. It is as casual as an online posting on Craigslist, click, click, click and an hour or so later, BAM! Friday night is complete. No phone number exchange is necessary, not even a name. Just wham. Bam. Thank you, ma'am, er, sir.

In the straight community, casual sex is has its formalities, much like a business transaction. The proposal ("How you doin'?"), the agreement ("Okay, fine."), the terms of the agreement ("It's just sex, no strings attached, okay? Okay."), and the post-sex 'drama' (the importance of the hush-hush and discreetness of it all).

I can't completely envy the sexual freedom in the gay community. STDs and such are rampant and not an uncommon occurrence in the community, which is quite possibly the result of all the sexual casualness. But in the end, it all comes down to the individual, both gay and straight. Be smart, get tested, use a condom, blah blah blah.

In a perfect world, 'business casual' sex would be ideal. All parties are in agreement as to what transpires and the risks to their investments. All disclosure of feelings and mutual times of meetings are made. The terms don't need to be written down, it is understood or a handshake will do. Should the partnership have to dissolve, it is a clean sweep and everyone leaves with what they've come in with, or do not lose more than what they've invested. And re-investments are always welcome at a later date. If only everything could be tied up in a neat little package, huh?

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