Thursday, June 21, 2007

A million miles away...somewhere more familiar

Something weird is happening to me. I can't really describe it, but lately I've just been feeling like I'm having an out-of-body experience. That is, I seem to be feeling and doing things I normally wouldn't, shouldn't couldn't. As if I'm watching someone else [and enjoying it]. Of course, 'normal' to me is feeling indifferent and nonchalant about most things. But lately, it's like my indifferentness and nonchalantness has excelled to total wrecklessness and inconsiderableness. What a ness. I mean, mess.

I can't really stop to contemplate why I'm doing the things I'm doing because I don't really feel like stopping. The logical side of me is telling me that if I don't stop, I might just come to a crashing halt and I could stop this now if I wanted to do. The other side, the side I never really let come out, is telling me, "Go, go, go! Go for what you want! You've waited too long! You know you want it!". That's my 'go-getta' side. She usually makes the odd appearance when I'm drunk and/or all by myself. Of course, there is also the outside voices telling me the same things (thanks, guys), but the go-getta side that never sees the light of day just might get her way sometime in the near future.

OR perhaps my menstrual cycle has temporarily thrown me psychologically out of whack. I should be find in a few days.

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