Tuesday, August 05, 2008

If You Didn't Notice, You Mean Everything

I realized the other day that the summer is already ending. One more month and then it will be Fall. The leaves will die and fall, the cold weather will come in, and the year will end.

Am I bumming you out? Sorry.

I really don't know why I am thinking of bad things now. Summer usually brings the optimism out of me. This year, not so much. I don't think 2008 has been the greatest, not just for me but for others around me.

*Gasp!* Could it be that being associated with me is bad karma? Without going into too many details, I find myself trying to hold everyone up while trying to keep my head above water myself. And it's not that I mind being the support beam (because I really, really don't mind), but I feel so useless because I don't have all the answers. I really, really wish I did.

If I was a more spiritual person, I'd say to leave it up to the gods, but I'm not. So I've run out of encouraging things to say.

I find myself at a lost for words when trying to console someone and I blame that on me having such a 'spoiled' life in that I haven't experienced real problems (knock on wood!!!). It's so hard to try and say something hopeful when I haven't experienced a nasty divorce, a mother in the hospital, a dislocated foot or a messy break up of a relationship. How can I be hopeful when I really don't know if everything will be all right?

I find myself giving the same advice to everyone who asks me when the hurt will go away and that is the only thing I believe that truly works, the closest thing I can think of that gives some hope: Time. It's a not a quick fix-it but it is the closest thing to a cure.

Secretly, I feel like such a hypocrite, though. How can I say such a thing when I have the ability to hurt and not know how things will be over time? For now, it all seems so hopeless because it still feels fresh. I just want to think that time will cure everything (and for others to think this as well). I'm such a fucking liar and I hate that.

I guess at this point all I can do is try to believe in my own words and wait for the days to go by.

Oh, magical Time. Why can't you be more like Tylenol: quick-acting and long-lasting? I just need that Extra Strength.


Louise said...

You need both time and distance. Time will do jack shit if you don't have the distance. You need both to allow you to (sort of) forget what the hurt/other things felt like.

spinderella said...

I totally agree, Louise. Can't really do much without the other. However, sometimes space isn't always that easy to come by which makes the waiting extra hard.