Sunday, August 10, 2008

Bitch, I'm the bomb, like tick...tick

The weather lately has sucked. Only a couple of weekends left of summer, and if I have to endure more wet weekends, I'll officially claim August (the best month of summer, I think) a dud. Essentially, we couldn't go up to the caves up north or the beach, so this weekend is a dud.

I'm also freezing, yes freezing, because all the windows and doors in my house are opened because the walls are being painted. And I can't stop yawning. Last night I was at Circa and woke up this morning to go out for breakfast and came home to take a nap but that's not enough. I don't want to go back to sleep because I don't really want to waste this day (yet here I am, typing away on my computer).

Yesterday was almost a bust, as well. I was gonna go to the Taste of Danforth but it down-poured. Everyone else went anyway, but instead I decided to catch up with an old friend I haven't spoken to in about a year. I'm not going to lie, we met on the internet years ago. Let's call him 'C'. This was back when I actually met people on the internet. These days, I'm just fending off the incessant calls from guys I foolishly give my number away to in clubs. You could say I struck lucky with C because he's non-crazy and he's pretty cool. He's also good-looking and funny, but that's another story. I will just say that he's just a really good friend and that's all. In any case, we've kept in touch for a couple of years and stuff.

I went grocery shopping with him and then we had dinner. After dinner I had to go home to get ready to go out. We hugged and although I was happy we had met up again, I was left with a 'bad taste in my mouth'.

He had given me some interesting advice and a prediction of my future that for some reason scares the crap out of me. I don't usually like to hear other perceptions of me, especially when I've already dictated to myself how I am. However, in this case, I just took his opinions like a beating. He basically said that I am holding a lot of unheard questions and feelings inside (unheard to those who deserve to hear it) and that as time progresses, one of these days I will SNAP. It didn't matter how many times I spent money to fly away from my problems, the pressure will keep building and I will go ape-shit one of these days. Needless to say, he said he didn't want to be there when that happened because he contends he knows me more than I think he knows me. I can't help but think that he does, this stranger from the internet. And now I'm scared because maybe I believe him.

Why? Because I don't want to go ape-shit. I feel as though my problems are my own and no one else should be affected or be the ape-shitee (even if they're involved or the cause). What can I say? I'm an introvert. I'm content with believing that my problems are the fault of my own actions. And I'm also afraid of what other irrational act I will do when that time comes (cliff-jumping in Bora-Bora??).

'So what do I do?' I asked him. He said there was only two ways to go: either blow up now and get answers to the questions I can't get out of my head to quell my thoughts (and face the repercussions, as awkward as they will be) or get away from my problems...permanently. I don't see either of them as being an option right now, but the clock is ticking, isn't it?

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

time is ticking indeed, life is short, you only live once, etc etc. pull the trigger and be happy or get over it and move on.