Lately I've been feeling pretty overwhelmed. Or something.
I can't really describe it. It feels like I'm just on cruise-control and I'm not stopping to consider much of anything. Does that make sense?
I may have mentioned this before, but I absolutely cannot wait for this year to be over. I can't even begin to describe how this year has been for me, but to sum it up: I've been to more funerals than weddings, I've never felt more depressed or bad about myself, I've taken more trips this year than I can remember (bad in a sense that I used them to get away from everything, only to come back to the same shit. But good, in that they were good trips in general), and I've never felt so lost in my life.
There has just been so much that has happened in the past year that I can't really seem to get over, which is probably why I feel 'overwhelmed'. It feels like bad things just seem to get me at every corner and I have to keep running from it.
Or perhaps I'm just running towards something new.
The latest thing to 'get me' the latest review of my last writing piece for UofT. It wasn't that well-received and I have to re-work it quite a bit. As a writer (artist?) it sucks to have your work not well-received by a group of [amateur] writers. I don't even really know what I was expecting because to be honest, I wasn't really feeling it when I wrote it. No time, no inspiration, no light. It just sucks more now because I am moving offices at work and I really don't have the motivation, inspiration or time to revise my work in the next two weeks. Fuckshitsonofabitch!
However, one thing I can look forward to is the end-of-the-year ski trip to Vermont. I am looking forward to, no, counting on, this trip to not only end this horrendous year, but to renew myself for the next year. I am going to use this trip as a vain attempt to try and un-do the past and reset the future. Sound cheesy? Well, that's how desperate I am to do it.